Happiness Matters and How To Cultivate More Of It In Your Life by Kathie Donovan

What does happiness mean to you? Some of us think of happiness as a fleeting state, depending on circumstances and other people. For others it means contentment or feeling successful. Happiness to me is a state of mind rather than a feeling in response to something outside of myself. I call it true and sustainable happiness and I learned about it by not having it in my life. Sounds strange I know but I believe we’ve been taught to think that we’ll find happiness through people and situations outside of ourselves. While we may get results pursuing happiness this way, to maintain the feeling, we must keep chasing after it. We can get closer to the meaning of true sustainable happiness when we acknowledge what it is not. It’s not money in the bank although that’s a nice thing to have; it’s not status although that’s lovely too. We have been mistakenly convinced that our happiness comes as the result of having money and status. You can’t buy true sustainable happiness, but you can earn it by investing in yourself.

“Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” –  Ralph Waldo Emerson

I call myself a happiness expert, so you’ll understand why I’m fascinated with the subject. My passion is researching how to help people uncover more of what I call true happiness; that’s been the focus of my work for the last few decades. I’ve been committed to the topic in part to support myself. As I mentioned in my first book Inspiration in Action: A Woman’s Guide to Happiness, happiness was so elusive in my life as a young woman that I felt like I was reaching into a large, overstuffed purse, pulling out whatever I thought might make me happy and trying it. Nothing and I mean nothing from shopping and drugs to alcohol and losing myself in relationships provided what I now know as true happiness. I’m grateful to have survived my experiments and now use the wisdom I learned from those experiences to help other people have an easier time connecting with their own version of happiness.

“Happiness isn’t a goal, it’s a by-product of a life well lived.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

The question is how do we invite more happiness into our lives? We all have our own preferences when it comes to everyday living and what makes us feel good. We have different tastes in music and art which is so special, but I don’t think we put enough emphasis on incorporating gratitude and kindness into our everyday habits. We’re conditioned to take our lives for granted until something happens to shake us out of our slumber. Some of our Wellings members tell us that they take the opportunity to create new habits and live life more on their own terms instead of living to please anybody else when they move into our community. That’s a step in the direction of more happiness. You’ll often hear people who have survived a terrible accident, or a life-threatening disease say they’re grateful every day. I believe it but we don’t need to wait for something extraordinary to happen for us to develop that deep appreciation. It’s all about the lens we choose to see life through.

When we see ourselves as separate from others either better or less than others, we’re turning away from happiness. The truth of this life is that we are all connected as a human race and the simple acknowledgement of that fact turns us toward a more settled mindset instead of the stress and chaos that separation sets us up for. Adding to that, having compassion for ourselves and others instead of feeding the drive to judge helps to settle our nervous system, which is a contributing factor to experiencing true happiness.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama

Positive psychology, the school of science that explores happiness, recommends that being grateful, partaking in regular exercise and having healthy relationships will enhance our happiness. Developing a practice of being grateful by writing down three to five things a day we’re grateful for will help to embed the habit in our mind. Moving our beautiful body however we’re able will enhance not only our wellbeing but our sleep as well. Removing toxic people from our social circle and eliminating habits like complaining and gossiping will lighten us up to make more room for happiness. Incorporating more positive habits into our daily life encourages production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine which are correlated with happiness and pleasure. Who doesn’t want more of that?

I’d say watching our thoughts is an important pillar when it comes to our happiness. Mindfulness refers to noticing when negative thoughts start to take over and adjusting our focus to think of something positive or compassionate instead of judgmental. You’ve heard it said that we’re our own worst critic, right? Well, it’s also true that we can be our own best cheerleader. It’s our choice because as I’ve said here before, the only thing in life we have control over are the thoughts we choose to think. It’s also important to get comfortable listening to our own good guidance. While other people may have our best interest at heart, only we know what is best for us. Learning to enthusiastically collaborate with others and willingly receiving support from others takes away the pressure we might feel to do everything ourselves and places the focus on interdependence, providing both empowerment and comfort.

“Happiness is a direction, not a place.” – Sydney J. Harris

Embracing lightheartedness, scheduling joyful events on the calendar, so we always have something to look forward to and making time in our day to compliment, smile and laugh with other people all contribute to our true happiness. Small shifts in our habits can create meaningful improvements in our lives over time so that we’re healthier and more productive. Remember that true sustainable happiness is not a goal, it’s more of a process; the more we embrace it and invest in it, the more access we have to it.

Ten tips to cultivate more true sustainable happiness in your life.

• Put yourself at the top of your list. Practice self-compassion and make yourself a priority
• Develop gratitude as a practice and say thank you often.
• Work on having a strong social network for your own support and to give you a sense of belonging.
• Be a good listener. Listen attentively to what other people say and respond thoughtfully.
• Have goals and purpose to enhance happiness.
• Prioritize time for family, partners and friends.
• Don’t tolerate people who criticize you or make you feel disrespected.
• Give up complaining and gossip.
• Speak kindly to yourself and about yourself.
• Investigate meditation to help calm the mind.